Subtitle: How to Grow a Magnificent Hydrangea
Step One: Buy the hydrangea. Buy several actually because the mortality rate is high.
Step Two: Plant said hydrangea with great enthusiasm.
Step Three: Observe zero results from above action.
Step Four: Move the plant from place to place trying desperately to make the thing happy. Repeat this step over several years.
Step Five: Declare the plant stupid and dump it into a dark corner under a tree and ignore it.
Step Six: Wait several more years.
VOILA! You have a glorious hydrangea!